Why I’m so Sad About Michael Jackson

– Allison Goldsberry

As a soon-to-be 28-year-old, I’ve been around as long as MTV has and some of my earliest memories are Michael Jackson’s over-the-top music videos. That was back in the day when MTV actually played music videos.

I grew up with Michael Jackson. I watched him on TV. My father blasted his albums on the stereo. I even had a Michael Jackson doll, dressed in, what else, but his red leather outfit from the iconic Thriller video. I remember watching Thriller and being afraid of it as a little girl until I watched a documentary on how the video was made.

I continued listening to Jackson’s music well into my teens in the mid-nineties. He was still a powerful performer but issues in his personal life were beginning to overshadow his tremendous talent. I lost track of his career and pretty much stopped listening to his music altogether. I went onto college and later entered the workforce, and all of the tabloid stories of Jackson’s personal life became a dull background noise not worthy of my full attention.

The news of Jackson’s death stunned me. It’s been a good fifteen years since I had regularly listened to his music. The first thing I did after I heard about his death was watch the Thriller video. I then began watching all of the other videos I grew up with and started listening to his music. His music has become familiar again and I was surprised at how quickly I remembered all of his songs and often larger-than-life videos.

Millions around the world have had similar reactions. It’s nearly impossible to not be moved by the enormous public outpouring of grief. Tears rolled down countless faces, mine included, during Jackson’s public memorial. And throughout all of this I can’t help but feel guilty. Where was I while Jackson was being pounded in the tabloids? Why didn’t I continue to buy his albums and listen to his music when he was wrongly accused of sexual misconduct? I can’t help but wonder, if Jackson had experienced during his life the amazing worldwide response he’s received in his death, would things have somehow been different? I feel a sense of guilt, that I abandoned Jackson as a fan at a time when he needed me most.

Ironically, Jackson has probably achieved a greater comeback with the shocking news of his death than he likely could have during his upcoming tour. People are snatching up his music online and in stores, and he will continue to earn millions even in his death. After years of listening to my Dad’s music, I just purchased my first Jackson CD, the Essential Michael Jackson and have been listening to it non-stop. For the first time since I was a little girl, I can listen to his music and simply enjoy it for what it is- something that is meant to entertain- without thinking about anything else.  I, like millions of others across the globe, have a renewed appreciation for his incredible, ground-breaking music and it’s through his music that he’ll continue to live on.