New Man in Medford

Welcome to Medford; Land of a Thousand Pizza Shops

– Jeff Magni

A while back, I was extremely hesitant about moving to Medford. I had a pre-conceived notion that it was the lamest town in the world. Turns out I was completely wrong about Medford. It’s actually a city! The only thing I DID know about Medford is that it’s the birthplace of the Gypsy Moth infestation that spread all over America. Wow, that’s fun! That in itself wasn’t enough to bring me in, but with the promise of dirt cheap rent I reluctantly decided to move. However, as I began to settle down in “elderly Italian woman paradise,” I realized that this new town – again, with the cheapest rent ever – wasn’t actually so bad!

The first thing my roommates and I noticed was the large population of college students in the area. But as far as Tufts being regarded as one of the finest colleges in the country, boy their students can’t do simple things like crossing the street. Maybe instead of giving the students cross walks or making the size of the streets smaller, City Hall should just give every Medford resident along with their permit sticker a cow-catcher to mount on the front of their car like an old-timey train. That way the drivers don’t have to slow down, and the Tufts students still get to their lecture on “The Sexuality of Frogs” on time. You’re welcome “Meadow by the Ford!”

The second thing I noticed about Medford was the copious amounts of places to eat pizza. Within two blocks of our house, we counted six different places we could become morbidly obese from. We decided it would be a good and healthy idea to eat pizza Monday through Saturday at a different place every night, and take Sunday off to eat something different (left-over pizza.)

Now, having lived in here for over a year (and this being the place I keep my bed and toilet), I consider Medford my new home. It’s truly a beautiful place, filled with wonderful people, a thousand pizza shops, and cops who don’t give 45,000 parking tickets everyday! So now if anyone asks me if they should considering moving to the Medford area I will definitely tell them: “Yeah maybe!”

Jeff Magni is a twenty-five year old human Medford resident. He enjoys animals, talking with his grandma, and currently holds a world record for ‘least amount of friends held by an adult-male.’ This was written by Jeff in the third person.